It’s been 2 entire days now with baby What’s His Name.  I almost think we need to name him Voldemort after “He Who Must Not Be Named”!!  No, I won’t do that to this little angelic little guy.  But, we still haven’t named him and I’m thinking where’s the rush anyway? My optimism about JinJee’s acceptance of this little guy rolls in and out on waves during the day.  I want to set my intention on her behalf that she will learn to love him and see how much richer life will be with another one like her around.  My fears, if I let them creep in, is that she stays psychotic and holds a grudge for the rest of her life!

Those of us that do End of Life communication talk in terms of goals and fears.  These are honest and real words that insist on brave, honest answers.  And, when life deals a hand when decisions need to be made or braveness needs to be mustered up, these are the questions that will help put it all in perspective.  The problem is no one ever asks us to look at our goals and fears.  We all tap dance around these topics as if by not looking at them we can will them to be gone and out of our heads.  Guilty!  I’m just as guilty.  When daddy was diagnosed with lung cancer we headed into the unknown with him with false bravado and forced smiles.  No one asked daddy about goals and fears, but we know he had to have them.   We sure did!

The same goes for facing situations with our pets.  Well meaning friends and family members all seem to have an opinion – do the surgery, don’t do the surgery -  do the chemo, put her/him “down”……and all the while no one asking you your goals and fears.  And, to complicate this further, many of the involved doctors don’t agree either and have differing opinions.  And, they, too, usually are not asking “what are your goals and fears”?  So, here’s what you might want to try the next time you’re faced with something very serious with your pet.  Sit quietly and ask yourself, What are my goals?  What are my greatest fears?  There are no wrong answers and the only thing to keep in mind is be honest with your answers.  You might be surprised at how much this will help.

Meet little baby What’s His Name.  He’s about 2-3 days old and has no mommy.  Jenny, from FVHA, called this morning to say he was brought in a little box shortly before she called.  Now, I’m always one to say that all babies are cute.  Even the homely ones are cute.  This little guy is just kind of…….I don’t know.  He sort of looks like a caterpillar!!  You know, the hairy, fuzzy ones.And, I’m not quite sure, but his face is a little like Jay Leno!  He’s just the opposite of JinJee, who had a face like a fairy princess!  And, little What’s His Name is LOUD!  When he’s upset, hungry, needing to pee, he’s screaming about it!  Oh gosh, are we ready to raise another one??  We’re trying good parenting skills with JinJee.  We’re not coddling, but just letting her adjust on her terms in her time.  We’ve never had a household with so few animals and one this psychotic. We’ll not see quality sleep for the next few weeks….I promise to try not to be crabby.

In the days and weeks to come I’m going to be soliciting people within the community who would like to be involved with our HHFI.  Ours is a different sort of non profit in that we aren’t a rescue, spay/neuter program or other kinds of refuge and rehabilitating.  Our HHFI is intimately involved with the Human Animal Bond (HAB)…..not just pets, but the people in their lives……celebrating the bond that brings ‘them’ together with ‘us’.  And, I think you’ll agree that our lives are better because of ‘them’.  Just take one look at this baby.  Seeing him with Tom reminds me why we’ll be celebrating our 35th anniversary in a couple of months.  He said he knew what he was getting into when he met me, but I think he’s just being kind.  I’ve gotten the two of us into some interesting situations with animals!!  But, we won’t go into that!

The Keshena reservation spay/neuter on Saturday was another testimony to the HAB.  The Native Americans love their dogs!  And, I do too.  Even though many of the small ones wanted to chew my fingers off when I went to draw their blood for heartworm and tick born disease test!! And, there were a lot of little dogs there!  We sure have a good crew that volunteers up there.  Of course, I took every opportunity to chat up our Healing Heart Foundation, Inc.  So many still not understanding what we do.  The doctors that volunteer weren’t asking any questions but I’m thinking that you, the public, will be educating them!!!  I kind of like that idea.

Today had me running around doing business and errands and finding myself visiting friends and independent business folks  in Stevens Point.  Of course, I must stop and say hi to my dear friend, Dala from Dala’s Imports.    If you saw my previous post of our lovely booth at the expo, then you saw the magical table cloth covering our booth.  That came from Dala’s.  Dala and I always laugh because her shop is just about the only place I get my clothes so I’m like a walking billboard to Dala’s.  The other special part about visiting Dala’s Imports is visiting Aragon, Dala’s handsome boy that greets everyone with a smooch and a song if asked!

The bond that Dala and Aragon share is soul to soul.  If he were a boy you’d want him to be your boyfriend!  That’s how charming he is!

I love supporting our communities of independent business owners.  They are the backbone of our society and they gift us with their entrepreneurship and talents.  Another stop while I’m in the area is always to Laura’s Kindred Spirits.  Special books, special cards, special gifts….special aura….  That’s Kindred Spirits and Dala’s Imports.  So, if you dare to be different, and step to the rhythm of your own drummer and bass player stop in and see my friends if you’re in Stevens Point.  You won’t be disappointed, I can assure you of that!  And, the other best part is that they support our Healing Heart Foundation, Inc. and honor the Human Animal Bond!  We love you for that.  Thank you Dala, Aragon and Laura.  Thank you for gifting us with your generous and beautiful souls.  And, Aragon, you give the best kisses!!

We LOVED meeting all of you yesterday at the 91.1 WOVM expo at the Fox River Mall!  So many of you commented that you didn’t know we were here in the community.  And, once again, we heard folks say, “I wished I would have known about you when….”.  I say, do your part and tell your primary care veterinarians about us!!  Tell them we’ll be happy to come to a staff meeting and introduce ourselves and what we do and why this service is so important! Healing Heart Pet Hospice, our first program launched in 2008, is our commitment to our community of pet families who need the service of this specialized care of hospice and palliative care for their pets.  Our volunteer, Jill, sitting with me at the Expo, is a former client and forever friend in our mission to spread the word about this important care.    And, Jill was able to talk to many of you and retell how our support got her through a very very difficult time.  We love you, Jill!!

Our End of Life services is climbing a steep hill on a few fronts.  First, veterinarians do not understand this End of Life concept.  They aren’t taught that in school and so this type of care isn’t as familiar to veterinarians as it is to human doctors.  So, it’s difficult for them to explain something they don’t understand to you, their client.   More precisely, I believe, this care isn’t even on their radar.  They are so used to saying, “I’m sorry, there’s nothing that can be done” when delivering a poor prognosis about a pets’ diagnosis.   The truth is, THERE’S MUCH TO BE DONE!

Next, you, the public, see veterinary hospice care as ‘giving up’.  Nothing could be further from the truth!!  The focus of palliative care is THE PATIENT, the  family and QUALITY OF LIFE!  We can do A LOT!! 

And, finally, we have well meaning folks, but, not trained in any kind of veterinary medicine, nursing or doctoring, leading the public, falsely, into thinking they can provide this care.  The reality is, while there are many complimentary tools to use, hospice and palliative care requires pharmaceuticals for the comfort and support of the patient and a veterinary team experienced in using them in order to deliver this care as it should be done!.  That’s just the facts. 

At least once a week I hear, “Oh, this must be so sad all the time”.  For many people, if they don’t talk about ‘it’, think about ‘it’, get near to ‘it’, ‘it’ won’t happen to them or the ones they love.  Death, though, comes for us all ~ you, me, and all those we love human or otherwise.  We, your Healing Heart Pet Hospice team, are doing our part to be there for you, for your pet and in many different ways, so that this, what we fear the most, is smoother and peaceful.  If ‘it’ is going to happen to your pet, wouldn’t you want ‘it’ to be peaceful, as pain free as possible and guided by a supporting veterinary team?

  So much gets crammed into this remarkable vessel we call a brain it’s a wonder we can get anywhere or make any decisions at all!  Last week saw the end of a gifted  musician  and expressionist by the name of Levon Helm.  “Everything dies, baby, that’s a fact, but maybe everything that dies someday comes back”.  That’s a line from one of his songs.

A small university radio station was playing a lot of Levon’s music today as a tribute to his long and memorable life.  It sure took me back.  And music was always there through all the stages of life – good and bad.

I purge my dark moods in a couple of ways.  The horses have magic that fills me up.  Music has a mystical way of moving that dark mood out.  I’ve been a singer for as long as I can remember and have kind of an eclectic taste in music.  And, naturally, as you all do, I’m sure, you play a particular style of music to reflect the mood you’re in.  A few years ago we had our wonderful kitty, Faccia.  (pronounced: Fa-cha).  I discovered that Faccia loved to dance with me when I would be in a mood that had me cranking the CD player up high,  with a pounding bass and drum and singing loudly.   Pretty soon he’d wake up from a snooze and come out, put his feet up and I’d pick him up and dance all over the house – all 21 pounds of him slung over my shoulder.   Brazilian or funk and everything in between – Faccia didn’t care as long as he was on my shoulder boogieing around the house.  He loved it so much that he’d drool and get my shirt all wet.  This is how Faccia would help me move that dark mood right out……music and dancing and singing with a cat on my shoulder.  I’m sure we were quite a sight…..”Everything comes and goes.  Pleasure moves on too early and trouble leaves too slow…”  Joni Mitchell often says it the best.

This is how JinJee sees music – she sleeps through it with mr. shark.  He’s one of her playmates when she can’t have my feet.   And, like most kids with a playmate, sometimes he’s fun and sometimes she wants to hurt him!

I’ve been musing lately on why those of us that do hospice work, whether it’s veterinary or human,  feel so fulfilled when we can find ourselves at a place  having to cleanse  dark moods.  And, once again the answer came back around to what it always does in that this is not a choice – it’s a calling.   One of the clergy in the Fox Valley area that has been in hospice work for many years said, “Every time I’m with a dying person I sit at the feet of the teacher.”  When I heard him say that I FELT it.  That’s how I believe it is with many of us. And, those of us that are involved in veterinary hospice have 2 blessings, 2 teachers – the pet and the people.  And, when it gets too much for me and I have a dark cloud hanging around, I pretend I have Faccia up on my shoulder bouncing and jiving to the music…bass and drums loud….singing the dark mood away.

It’s amazing to me that there are some humans that are so talented with technology and would waste that talent  spending  so much time trying to make others’ lives miserable.  Simply amazing.  So, I innocently downloaded what I thought was a program off the internet to make my life easier with documents. What I ended up downloading was some type of malware.  Or, some type of virus.  And, now, the techs at Office Max, while they were real sweeties, can’t fix it remotely.  I did it really really good – or should I say really bad!  So, I found a picture of this spider and what looks like an egg from last summer crawling on our deck.  Nasty looking, isn’t she?  I’m assuming it’s a ‘she’.   Anyway, I’m hoping she, or someone like her, finds it’s way down the pants of the person or persons  who spend time doing such despicable acts.   Who does these things??  Are they walking among us?  There should be support groups for people like this because it’s clear they need love and hugs.  But, first, a big spider in their pants.

We’ve recently been involved with the tactics of a particular pet insurance company.  A client of ours has been paying premiums to this company for the life of her dog, 12 years now.  And, now that he’s older and his health is not just failing but he’s needing hospice care, they are finding loopholes not to reimburse her for her primary care medical assistance, not reimburse her for the emergency services that he needed and, you guessed it, not reimburse her for his hospice care that he is currently receiving.   And, while this pet insurance company is  not doing anything criminal they are most surely morally reproachful in their decisions and skating under the wire as far as the law.   Shame on them!  So, my word to those of you trying to be good pet parents is:  Read and ask lots of questions when contemplating pet insurance companies before giving your money to them.  Or, take a few dollars out of each paycheck and put it in its own fund set up for emergencies or medical issues with your pet.  Don’t assume all pet insurance companies are scrupulous and looking out for your best interest.  It’s business and they’re in business to make money.  This is another example of “Buyer Beware“. 

Okay, time to look out the window and take some deep breaths…..                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Today was a day spent in Keshena.  Several times a year the Keshena Animal Help and Rescue gather as many people as they can for the sole purpose of assisting those that live on the reservation with the health of their dogs and cats.  There are those that do blood draws and vaccinations (yours truly is in this group) and the folks that tirelessly assist all year long.  

In a couple of weeks we’ll hold one of two spay/neuter clinics and the rest of the wonderful angel volunteers come out and shine bright doing what each does best.  This is a selfless and tireless group that I love being around.  This is a picture from last fall but pretty much the same group.  The people are welcoming and the dogs are one of a kind.  I’m always amazed at how smart they are!  And they have most loving personalities.  I just love them!  And, I love the volunteers I’m with when I’m there.  Big hugs to all of you if you’re reading this!

Tom and I have a standard joke.  One of us will look outside and say to the other, “Hey, you forgot to close the gate on the fence”.  And, when the other looks out there are the deer close to the house in the field.  They don’t have any fear anymore (see the blog on them eating my spring bulbs!) and I don’t know if I’m happy or sad about that!  I suspect I’ll be happy when the babies are born and we’re able to watch the fawns hopping and popping and playing with each other.  They are so so precious….you just want to hug and smooch them. 

We had a lovely group of folks at the Fox Valley Grief Support Symposium  bright and early on Saturday morning.  Audra had ordered our new upright sign and it is a beauty!  She stayed at our booth and talked to folks coming in for information and at two different times I did a presentation on Dealing With The Loss Of Your Beloved Pet.  I’d like to once again say that we are blessed here in the Fox Valley and surrounding areas to have the grief resources available to all of us.  Have you noticed that there are angels that walk among us??  This group would be some of those angels.  

And, once again, I’m back to putting finishing touches on another grant.  We so want to get our Healing Heart Pet Loss Partnership in full swing, so cross your fingers and your toes.      My biggest challenge now is I did something wrong with my laptop and I’m off to see the geek guys tomorrow to see how it can be fixed.  But, as for me tonight…..it’s been a long day, we did good work and now it’s time to wake up JinJee and get off to bed.  Another long day awaits us….                                                                                                     

Happy Birthday to my dear husband.  We both remarked on how we don’t mind how quiet birthday’s have become.  We decided some time ago to plant a tree for birthdays and anniversaries.  Tom’s decided on an apple tree this year.  Great!  The deer can add that to the smorgasbord they already have out here!This is a picture of our dear friend, Pepper, who is gone for almost a year now.  She’s actually buried out here with us and we love her mommy, Cathy, for sharing her with us.  Pepper enjoyed a lot of time spent here on the farm.  We used to laugh saying she was getting back to her roots.  She and Bernie had a funny little relationship and gave us some great laughs at their quirky little communication.  This picture of Pepper in the snow shows just how much she loved the cold weather.  We love and miss you, Pepper.

Dealing with either hospice care or grief after loss finds me oftentimes encouraging people to face their fears.  It is fear that at times  prevents us from seeing what hospice care really provides ~ focus on living, focus on comfort, focus on Quality of Life.  Unfortunately,  the public frequently looks at hospice care as “giving up” or “giving in without a fight”.   When we talk with people and tell them what we do at expos or gatherings a few find it is their fears that makes them flinch at the thought of loss and back away saying “this is too sad to look at”.   These are the folks we want to embrace and say it’s okay, you’re not alone and others are here if you need someone to walk with you.  This is why we’re working so diligently for awareness of our HHFI and our programs that have so much to offer so many.   We can’t change a culture, but we can assist and walk beside those that reach out to us ~ one person and one pet at a time….

So, it’s back to the drawing board finding ways to get the word out.  JinJee finds her way to my desk wanting to lend a hand.  Here she is picking out a book to read and talking to the picture of my Grammy and PaPa.  And, as usual, I’ve been working deep into the night and she gives up and goes to sleep.  Which is what I need to do now.  Good night, JinJee.  Happy birthday, Tom.  I love you both very much.  I think we would call this “profound”.

Let’s just say it up front.  I’m a voracious reader.  You really don’t want to know what I read for “light” reading.  If I was years younger I would go back to school because learning is actually pleasurable for me!  It’s like nature does some of us a dirty trick with learning and age.  A handful of years ago I met a charming veterinarian from Hawaii.  Dr. Shannon Fujimoto Nakaya practices companion animal and aviary medicine blending her practice style to encompass a broad spectrum of care.  If you go to her website at:  www.kindredspiritkindredcare.com  you will see that she has an amazing outlook toward medicine, her patients and families, spirit and heart.  This is the ART of medicine and she does this in perfection.  Shannon’s 2005 book,‘ Kindred Spirit, Kindred Care’, is a must read for every pet owner.  I recommend this be the first book on the shelf when you bring your first 4-legged home.  A friend of mine, who knows how much I love this book, gave me 10 copies for my birthday one year so I could give them all away!  I was overjoyed!  Now, I know there are a lot of good books about pet care out there, but, no kidding, this is the real deal.

  Well, it just so happens that Shannon has another book in progress and you may go to her website to read it because it’s an E-book format.  Her new book is called, ‘Graceful Aging, Graceful Exits’.    And, in true Dr. Nakaya style, she’s right on target with anyone who has ever needed somewhere to turn with their aging pet.  Even as it is a work in progress, it is proving to be another astonishing contribution to those of us that treasure the bond we have with the pets in our lives.  To put it simply, Dr. Nakaya “gets it”!    Yours truly has been asked to contribute to this work of art and I’m humbled as you can imagine.  It is an honor to think others are interested in my heartfelt insights. So, go to her site, read what’s finished of her new book and, for heavens sake, order her first one!

The previous storms found the horse family tucked in the barn away from the lightening that terrifies me.  And, I think it’s a little joke between Linda and Lyra as to who can lay in their poop and get all dirty in the best fashion.  Today, they both could call it a draw.  And, everyone is still shedding out so the spring “itchies” are here.  I took this picture of those two obliging each other in the scratching game.  You can’t see Lyra, but you can spot the side Linda was laying on, can’t you?  Of course, she’s a white horse.  The wind had everyone out there hopping and popping too.  And, I was an obedient servant and cleaned the barn so we can tuck in when the next storm hits.

Looks like we’re back to spring around here.  The usual shenanigans are going on.  I love spring bulbs.  I love flowers of all kinds, but I particularly love spring bulbs.  And, I confess to flower envy every spring as I pass by gardens awash in reds, purples, yellows and the likes of tulips, hyacinths, daffodils, etc.  So, last year I really splurged.  And, if you’re one of those folks that know me well you know splurge is not exactly in my vocabulary.    None the less, I watched for the sale at Jung’s greenhouse and took full advantage of the reduced price of their spring bulbs.  Sweat and dirt and time went into the flower bed and I felt a sense of real satisfaction after I mulched the soil around my freshly planted bulbs.  I could envision lovely fresh cuts sitting in a vase on the table and counter top.  Well, I thought to myself, I’ve got so many that I’ll put some in every room! 

The early warm weather of March had everyone’s spring flowers blooming away ~  everyone’s flower beds except mine.  Because the  same malady that befell my gladiolas a couple of years ago  has now fallen on my expectant spring bulbs.  With anxious anticipation, I watched the green come up only to see it mowed down by razor sharp deer teeth.   That’s right, the deer love my tulips, daffodils and hyacinths.  They love them as much as the gladiolas I once planted, as a matter of fact.  I’m starting to think it’s a way to drive me out of the neighborhood, but I have news for them.  We’re here to stay!  So, I will add spring bulbs on my list of “things not to plant because the deer love them more than me”.

Since I’ve gotten my new camera I take loads of pictures.  They’re not professional grade but just nice to look at and remember.  Through the years of gazing out at my horses there are a couple of scenes that bring me particular satisfaction.  One of those scenes is horses laying down and sprawled out.  Tom and I call this “A good horse day” ~ no bugs, belly full, sun shining , air cool and the feeling of safety ~ the picture of contentment.  But, capturing that contentment in a still picture is not possible.  Why, you ask?  Because, when you take a picture of 5 or 6 horses laying down all sprawled out they – look – dead!  Really, they all look dead.  I was so horrified some years ago that I ripped developed pictures up in little pieces because I did not want to look at them.   So, I took another picture of the moon again. 

JinJee is 11 months old now and still doesn’t have a ‘bubby’ or ‘sissy’.  We’re waiting for another little munchkin liker her without a mommy that needs our care.  My theory is that she will get used to the new sibling through us and boundaries.  That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.  In the meantime, she continues to  treat me like the sibling she’s never had and making up games with my feet.  The deer are lucky JinJee doesn’t go outside.  She’d be a force to be reckoned with!  Maybe then I could’ve had spring flowers.  For now, though, I’ll just enjoy the view in someone else’s garden!